I went to the pre-trial conference today. My lawyer had told me that the other party were ready to discuss terms.

I should have known better.

The last three years have seen a procession of delaying tactics, lies, and fallback positions as the defenders of this upstanding member of the medical communiy have stood by his hard-won honour. I mean, my wife went into hospital tohave a baby, and the he killed her. He killed her. And we’re still arguing? 3 and a half years later?

Now, here’s the latest tactic: the opposing lawyers have been reading this blog. And they’ve decided to use it against me. You see, according to them, the entries in this blog prove:

a) that I have a spectacular writing career that’s so successful I was able to leave work, not for the reasons of stress, grief, and the need to look after my baby that I had mentioned, but because my career was so brilliant that I had to take care of it as it leapt towards superstardom. Believe it: these people want me to give them proof of my earnings! Writers can stop rolling around the floor laughing and muttering “Stupid c*nts” now.

b) that I no longer care about the death of Sharon, because I don’t mention her very often. It’s not considered that maybe I don’t talk about her because I try to use this blog to keep some positivity in my life. Again, people who know me can stop rolling around etc etc.

c) That the positivity I do express in the blog, the mention I make of friends and family, the plans I talk about, in fact, everything in this entries that does not paint me as a ruined wreck of a man, prove to these money-grubbing leeches that I deserve no recompense, no compensation, no sense of closure over their client killing someone who was in his care. Let’s not laugh at this one, shall we? Let’s treat it very seriously.

What this does draw into high relief is that there are people out there, and today I learnt their names, who read this blog with the express intent of using its contents to ruin my life. According to them, I am not allowed to live a life. They’ve lived lives over the last 3 years. My own lawyers have lived their lives. The man who killed Sharon has lived his life. Hell, he’s even practiced, and undoubtedly been allowed to deal with other pregnant woman (and doesn’t that make your blood a little colder?).

But I am damned by these people. Everything I do is turned into a weapon against me. If I show the slightest sign of happiness, these harpies are waiting on the wing to twist it into something they can hurt me with. If I gather together the shards of the life their client ruined, and attempt to build something from it, they’re reading these entries, working out ways to ruin me again.

And for what?

To save their client an insurance premium.

I will not give them another chance. Until this matter is sorted, and they have crawled back into their respective swamps, I’ll be taking a powder. My life is my own, and I will not have it turned into a defence for that filthy bastard. So for now, this journal shall remain on hiatus. I’m sorry. I hope those of you who have enjoyed it will understand.