COZ IT AIN’T A SICK DAY WITHOUT A MEME

Gakked from Stephen Dedman

Go here and keep hitting random quotes until you get five that resonate with you, then post them in your journal.

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody
Bill Cosby (1937 – )

It is what you learn after you know it all that counts
John Wooden (1910 – )

I was thought to be ‘stuck up.’ I wasn’t. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure
Bette Davis(1908 – 1989), The Lonely Life, 1962

Why is my existence so perfect with dark places? And why do I no longer care?
Lemuel W. H. Ranier

That’s just the way things go. We meet people, get to know them and then they get up and leave us behind
Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata, Animal Crossing: Wild World

OR TWO

From Angelaina

What was the last story you read?
The first draft of Lyn’s new story The Found House. Last (pre-)published story: The Immaculate Conception by Matt Hults, in the galley of The Beast Within

What was the last poem you read?
Aesculapius in the Underworld by Ryan G Van Cleave, in Year’s Best Fantasy & Horror 15.


What was the last comic you read?
Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America by Jeph Loeb and a cast of thousands

What was the last movie you watched?
Mister Brooks, for the 2nd time, on DVD


What song are you listening to now? Say something about it–what it means to you, who introduced you to it, something like that.
Vicious Traditions by The Veils. A beautifully haunting song that stands out a mile from the rest of their work.

What’s your guilty-reading pleasure?
It used to be Dick Francis novels, but I’ve since stopped feeling guilty.

Say something about the last poem you wrote!
I wrote two in a day whilst at work recently, image-canoodlings that surprised me by becoming coherent and visually sound.

Say something about a story you’re writing now!
Comfort represents a departure from my recent work: a change in tense, POV, narratorial voice, and based very much around an interior journey rather than exterior action. It’ll take some getting right, but it’ll be nice to change direction once again.

If you were a fictional character, who would be writing you?
A sadistic bastard.

And a link to your favorite magazine, because they probably need your help. 😉
Aurealis.

I HAVE AMBITIONS OF BECOMING A BACTERIA….

Reprinted with the author’s permission: an email received from the uberkid himself, Jasoni Fischerio:

At a recent writing group I was accused of having “Lee Battersby Disease”. I should explain, I tendered a story for critting in which the protagonist is immortal and has supernatural powers etc, and this one bloke drew a long bow and compared Raoul the minotaur to Father Muerte (apples and oranges anyone?). I told him I actually knew you personally. Insert uncomfortable awkward pause……

By which I can only assume that Lee Battersby Disease makes your story middle-aged, overweight, and yet beguilingly handsome 🙂

A SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT

Nobody remembers the war against the Sirk. Hardly anybody knew it was happening. The Governments of the world covered it up, used it as the excuse for their own conflicts, their own schemes of expansion and death. But no matter how many of our own we killed, there was always one common aim: destroy the Sirk. Wipe them out. They came to us as refugees, begging our help. In return, we murdered them in their millions. Is it any wonder the survivors hide?

So begins Cirque, the TV show project I pitched for the Screenwest TV Awards recently. In the last couple of weeks I’ve also: sent my Australia Council grants application; sent my 2009 KSP Residency application; completed the first draft of Comfort, my submission to the Datlow/Mamatas-edited Hauntings anthology; proof-read the galley of my The Beast Within story The Claws of Native Ghosts; completed the fourth draft of The Possession of Mister Snopes, my submission to the upcoming Interstitial anthology; been pencilled in as editor for the 4th issue of the AHWAs new fiction magazine Midnight Echoes; and continued my mentoring of Jason Crowe and Ben Szumskyj.

I feel a bit like a writer.

A REMINDER

Only a couple of days left to get your entries in for the Katharine Susannah Prichard SF/F Competition. Check out the details one final time:

The Katharine Susannah Prichard Speculative Fiction Awards 2008
Closing date: 5pm Friday May 30, 2008
Words: Minimum 1500, maximum 3500.
All forms of Speculative Fiction welcome.
2 Sections: OPEN and the Shire of Mundaring National Young Writers Awards (20 years and under)

PRIZES

Open: First $200, Second $50
Young Writers Awards: First $75, Second $25
Highly Commended and Commended Certificates will also be awarded.

Awards announced and presented at KSP Writers’ Centre, Sun August 17, 2008.
No entry form required

CONDITIONS OF ENTRY

1. Entry fees: Open – $7.50 per story, to be paid by cheque or money order only. Young Writers Awards – no entry fee

2. Work to be original, unpublished, not received an award in another competition and not under consideration elsewhere from the time of entry in these awards until the official announcement of winners.

3. Limit of three stories per author. Individual stories cannot be entered in more than one section

4. Entries to be typewritten, double-spaced on one side only of A4 white paper, with pages numbered, a wide left-hand margin, and story title on each page. A good photocopy is acceptable. Post in an A4 size envelope.

5. To ensure anonymity NO WRITERS’ NAMES TO APPEAR ON MANUSCRIPT (MS). Please attach a COVER SHEET with name of story, word count, section entered, and age if Young Writer

6. On a SEPARATE SHEET please attach form below

7. MSs will only be returned if adequately stamped self-addressed envelope (SSAE) of sufficient size is included. Other manuscripts will be destroyed after the competition, so keep a copy of your work.

8. Include a business-sized SSAE if you would like only a results sheet

9. Award winners will be notified by phone or mail prior to announcement, when those able to attend will be invited to read excerpts from their stories

10. Members of the KSP Foundation Management Committee are not allowed to enter

11. The judges’ decisions are final, and no correspondence will be entered into

12. The KSP Foundation Inc. reserves the right to publish the winning entry or entries in a publication related to KSP should the opportunity occur, in consultation with the author

Send entries to:
KSP Speculative Fiction Awards
11 Old York Road
GREENMOUNT
WA 6056

Entries which do not reflect the stated conditions, or are postmarked later than 5pm May 30, may be disqualified without notice and the fee/s forfeited.

IT’S BILLIE PIPER’S NIPPLES ALL OVER AGAIN!

How the hell does someone get to my blog via the search term photo of christopher eccleston wearing a sock on his dick ?

More to the point: why do they want to know?

REMIX MY LIT, BABY

Good news, musketeers! The fablicious Remix My Lit project has received the funding it deserves, so as long as I deliver a story by July, we’ll all be able to see it remixed live by some deeply cool and aspiring young writers at the Melbourne Festival in August.

I’m being joined by such cred-heavy writers as Jeff Noon and Kim Wilkins, so this is going to be a dandy!

I AM MARLON BRANDO WHEN YOUNG AND PRETTY

Well, I mean, obviously, duh….

Your Score: Julius Caesar

You scored 37% = Tragic, 34% = Comic, 24% = Romantic, 51% = Historic

You are Julius Caesar. Set during the mid-March in Rome, Julius Caesar tells the story of the conspiracy against and assassination of Julius Caesar. While not considered one of Shakespeare’s Histories, Julius Caesar is a fictionalized account of a true story. What your score tells us about you is that you are most likely a complex individual who, like Brutus, may struggle between the conflicting demands of friendship, loyalty, and patriotism. However, also like Brutus, you are undoubtedly someone to whom your friends often go before making a big decision. You are their rock, and they wouldn’t think of doing anything without first asking you what you think. However, like Caesar, himself, you tragic flaw, might be that you don’t take advice or criticism well even if it is constructive. Take heed to listen to good advice when you hear it, and for gosh sake… beware the ides of March.

Link: The Which Shakespeare Play Are You? Test written by macbee

HARD AT IT

Australia Council Grant application: done.
Residency application: done.
Mentoring: Pretty much up to date– one more story to offer comments and a couple of emails to answer

Currently: hard at work banging away at my application for the Screenwest TV Writer’s Award. At the very least, it has enabled me to fulfill one of my silliest ambitions– titling an entire series of television episodes after Kinks songs.

Still to come: submissions for Hauntings, Interstitial, New Ceres, and the Realms of Fantasy Halloween 2009 issue, as well as my contribution to the Remix My Lit project, and a story to complete my half of a bargain with that creature of strangeness, Jason Fischer? What bargain, you ask? To submit to each other, by the 30th of June, a story entitled Rodeo of the Flesh. Sigh. I pick ’em….. And, of course, the novels.

It’s all go.

JESUS? NICE GUY. CATERED MY COUSIN’S WEDDING.

Well, bugger me. I was expecting less than 50%, considering how much I actually know about the Bible. Of course, when questions like How did Jesus feed the 5000? have possible answers like pizza and Chinese take-out, I’m guessing I can’t get credits for previous study when I apply for seminary school….

You know the Bible 79%!

Wow! You are truly a student of the Bible! Some of the questions were difficult, but they didn’t slow you down! You know the books, the characters, the events . . . Very impressive!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Incidentally, extra points for knowing what I’m quoting in the title of this post….

DOING SOMETHING RIGHT

Inside Erin’s classroom at school is a big picture of a tree. On that tree are hung a bunch of leaves. One each leaf is the name of one of the children in the class, and the word that best describes them. There are a lot of leaves marked friendliness.

Erin’s is marked honesty.

I spent all of last week at home, suffering from the accumulation of large physicall irritants. On Friday morning, at the pleading of my daughter, I levered myself out of bed and accompanied Lyn & Connor to watch Erin receive a merit certificate at her school assembly. Why? For having an enthusiastic attiude to her work and always trying hard to present it neatly and accurately.

Engage proud mode. Proud mode engaged.

Our beautiful daughter

THE MOTHER’S DAY CLASSIC: TWICE IN A ROW IS A TRADITION

Let’s get one thing straight: the last thing you’ll see me doing on Father’s Day is getting up at the crack of aaaargh in order to run 3.5 kilometres around Lake Monger in the name of breast cancer research. And I especially won’t be doing it for the second year running, and I definitely won’t shave something in the order of two entire minutes off last year’s time, never mind doing all this less than 24 hours after testing myself against a bunch of huge, burly fellows who want to be train guards, doing high-speed beep tests and dragging mannequins that weigh 13 kilograms more than I do from pillar to posts all afternoon because, well, it just occurred to me that it might be something I wanted to do.

It’s pretty bloody nice being married to Superwoman, you know……

My wife described in one word: phwoaaaarrrrr.

IN WHICH A CERTAIN WIFE AND MOTHER GETS WHAT’S COMING TO HER…

Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Mother’s Day. The husbands and children’s of Jehovah’s Witnesses, on the other hand, occasionally get all bullheaded and insist that the giving of presents and making of meals has nothing to do with what the Jehovah’s Witness wants, and that it’s a chance for them to express just what she means to them, so she can just sit down, eat her favourite soup for lunch and cottage fish pie for dinner, read the handmade cards, unwrap the handmade paper, and accept the candlestick, goblet, cushion, and painted pot plant that they’ve given her.

Occasionally, Jehovah’s Witnesses have the grace and love to accept such a scenario, and allow that, just maybe, they might deserve the overwhelming love their family has for them.

Which she does 🙂

OH GOD, MILK I NEVER DRANK JUST CAME OUT OF MY NOSE

So over at the blog of legendary manbeastchild Jason Fischer, he’s listed a meme that shows you what your battle cry should be. And his is quite cool: I’m going to pummel you with such reckless abandon, you will wake up from the Matrix

Gnarly, huh? I can see Jasoni crying this out as his crime fighting alter ego, Cannibal Camel.

So, you know, I’m going to try this and come up with a cool battle cry I can yell whilst leaping off buildings in my tights n the dead of night and bringing to justice evil guys with names like The DeathPanther and Murderghost and Bald Guy From Survivor and stuff.

So what do I get?

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Striding out of the mountains, attacking with a piece of chainlink fence, cometh Lee Battersby! And he gives a booming scream:

“I’m going to beat the flaming shit out of you!”

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

There go my chances of Robert Downey Junior playing me in the movie…

HOWAY THE… ME?

Busybusybusybusybusybusybusy….

Not much posting in the foreseeable future. Much working and mentoring and working and I promise I’ll do those edits sally and working and stressing and mentoring and applying for grants and bugger me I’m exhausted….

AUTOMATIC FOR THE (LONG-SUFFERING) PEOPLE

It’s taken a long and painful two years, but finally, we’ve cracked automatic promotion back to the Championship where, sadly, we belong. With all due respect to the passionate footballing people of Tranmere, Cheltenham, Crewe et al, I hope I never have to think about you again. It’s the turn of Leicester fans, now, to weep into their lagers 🙂

But please, lads, my lovely red-clad footballing lads: just for me, if not for everyone who actually gets to go along and see you play, could we please do something to ensure that I never again have to sit anxiously by my computer waiting for news of whether we’ve managed to overcome the might of a footballing colossus like bloody Yeovil on the last day of the season?

No pressure.

FRANK WOODLEY: POSSESSED

When Luscious and I were in Adelaide recently, we had the fabulous opportunity to get out and catch some theatre, something we’d been unable to do for far too long. Frank Woodley’s new solo show Possessed was on, and I was keen, but Lyn professed to being not a great fan of Lano & Woodley, so we passed. Instead, we bought tickets to a show that was cancelled ten minutes before we were due to take our seats when a crew member electrocuted themselves and blew out every fuse in the hotel where the show was being staged. So it goes.

Tuesday night, thanks to the miracles of teen babysitter and free tickets from my work’s social club, we got a second chance. And this time, we went.

Woodley’s always been a fantastic performer, combining an amazing physical elasticity with a talent for drawing pathos and sympathy from an audience with subtle changes in stance. And yet, and yet….

Possessed is the story of Louie, a lonely borderline agarophobe who spends his days collecting sailing ship memorabilia and building model ships to hang around his tiny basement apartment. When he is possessed by the ghost of Phoebe O’Leary, an Irish girl who drowned whilst stowing away on the ship whose model he is currently building, it leads them both to question their relationship, their choices, and whether to stay locked up within their own personal purgatories or take the chance on actions that may liberate or damn them.

And much like the Jim Carrey movie The Cable Guy, what could (should?) have been a startlingly good example of one type of story (in the case of the movie, a black comedy. In the case of the play, a heartbreaking and ultimately sweet and hopeful love story) is cut off at the knees by the need to insert ‘signature’ aspects of the main performers style of comedy. Put more bluntly, there was far too much falling down stairs and not enough character in this one-person tour de force for it to be successful.

Don’t get me wrong: Woodley still is, and will remain for some time, a masterful physical performer. But he’s not so capable of character acting that I ever quite believed in his ability to transform from male to female mannerisms. His turns as Phoebe feel like just that: comic turns, a chance to mince and flap in a burlesque manner, rather than the assumption of a true alter ego. And, ultimately, the story of Phoebe’s fate, and the journey she must take, are so well written and genuinely sad that they outweigh the bulk of the performace: Woodley’s stock-in-trade physical buffoonery as the cross-lobed Louie is at odds with the tragedy that unfolds behind him. The end result is neither wholly one thing or another, and left me wondering what the play could have been if performed by a genuine character actor, played straight, or at least, with a greater balance between the sadness and a gentler form of melancholy humour.

BECAUSE YOU REALLY WANT TO ENTER THIS

The Katharine Susannah Prichard Speculative Fiction Awards 2008

Closing date: 5pm Friday May 30, 2008

Words: Minimum 1500, maximum 3500. All forms of Speculative Fiction welcome.

2 Sections: OPEN and the
Shire of Mundaring National Young Writers Awards (20 years and under)

PRIZES

OPEN: First $200 Second $50
Young Writers Awards: First $75 Second $25
Highly Commended and Commended Certificates will also be awarded.

Awards announced and presented at
KSP Writers’ Centre, Sun August 17, 2008.

No entry form required

CONDITIONS OF ENTRY

1. Entry fees:
Open – $7.50 per story, to be paid by cheque or money order only
Young Writers Awards – no entry fee
2. Work to be original, unpublished, not received an award in another competition and not under consideration elsewhere from the time of entry in these awards until the official announcement of winners.
3. Limit of three stories per author. Individual stories cannot be entered in more than one section
4. Entries to be typewritten, double-spaced on one side only of A4 white paper, with pages numbered, a wide left-hand margin, and story title on each page. A good photocopy is acceptable. Post in an A4 size envelope.
5. To ensure anonymity NO WRITERS’ NAMES TO APPEAR ON MANUSCRIPT (MS). Please attach a COVER SHEET with name of story, word count, section entered, and age if Young Writer
6. On a SEPARATE SHEET please attach form below
7. MSs will only be returned if adequately stamped self-addressed envelope (SSAE) of sufficient size is included. Other manuscripts will be destroyed after the competition, so keep a copy of your work.
8. Include a business-sized SSAE if you would like only a results sheet
9. Award winners will be notified by phone or mail prior to announcement, when those able to attend will be invited to read excerpts from their stories
10. Members of the KSP Foundation Management Committee are not allowed to enter
11. The judges’ decisions are final, and no correspondence will be entered into
12. The KSP Foundation Inc. reserves the right to publish the winning entry or entries in a publication related to KSP should the opportunity occur, in consultation with the author

Send entries to:
KSP Speculative Fiction Awards
11 Old York Road
GREENMOUNT WA 6056

Entries which do not reflect the stated conditions, or are postmarked later than
5pm May 30, may be disqualified without notice and the fee/s forfeited.