SHOOTING FOR GOAL

There’s 5 or so hours left between me and January 1st. To be honest, I don’t give much of a rat’s: I’ve never once woken up on the morning of January 1st and thought “Oh my goodness, the world seems completely different to the one I went to sleep in. Lawks-a-lordy, what a fresh start this portends!” (Or, you know, words to that effect.) It’s a calendar thing, an arbitrary line drawn between ‘then’ and ‘now’, and whilst I guess I’m grinchish about it, there you are: I’ll still have to do the dishes tomorrow, and clean the bedroom, and staying up past midnight will only mean I’ll be tired and grumpy while I do them.

Still, as arbitrary underscores go, it at least draws people into examining the year just gone, and into making outlandish promises to themselves that they have neither the intention nor ability to keep. Let’s be honest: if you’ve never climbed the Matterhorn wearing only a yamulka and a willy-warmer before, being a year older and fatter ain’t gonna make it any easier. But, call ’em resolutions, or goals, or emotional signposts to a better me or whatever, we all do it, and so do I, and so I have.

It’s quite simple, really:

I’m too fat. I did well at the start of last year. I went from 110kg down to 93, and was feeling the benefits. Then I got complacent, I got lazy, yadda yadda whatever, and the wheels fell off. Onto my stomach. So, having proved I can do it once, I get the opportunity to do it again. 13 kilos by the end of the year. That’s one a month plus one, and will bring me down to 90kg, which is still too heavy but better than where I am. Plenty of exercise, better foods, better eating practices, you know the drill (More to the point, I do). And no booze, thanks to the gout, which will be easy, because I’m not that much of a drinker and I prefer my ankle to the taste of beer.

I’m not a novelist. Well, I could have been, this year, but in the end, Napoleone’s Land was just one hurdle too difficult to sell– the book was fine, barring rewrites, but the difficulty in getting publishers to look at a novel containing Aboriginal spirituality, written by an unknown white guy, defeated me. I’ll come back to it, no doubt, when I’ve got a credit or two to play with, but right now, my priority is to finish Corpse-Rat King and get it sold, and finish the first draft of another novel. I have five or six in various states of decomposition, from a 40K draft of Public Savants to 5K and a full plot outline for The Last Death of Vaz Te, to the TV script of Cirque that I could adapt… there’s plenty to be going on with. I’ll likely be around the interwebs even less next year than in 2008 (my google hits quartered over the course of the year), but that’s all part of moving on, I hope.

My house is not perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I love my house, and I love the life my family leads here. But it’s not perfect, as anyone who’s pulled up to the front garden can attest. And truth be told, I spend my money on the wrong things: for the price of that graphic novel I could have fixed that hole in the downpipe at the back of the house, and the price of that DVD could have bought a can of paint for the garden wall. If I do one thing a week, that’s 52 areas of my home I could improve by the end of the year, and 52 ways I can give my family a better lifestyle. I’ve lived inside a Work-in-Progress for too long,

And that, apart from a bunch of family goals that remain private property, is it, really. 2008 was one of those years where you endure the bumps because you can see the plain sailing beyond. Only three things will matter in 2009: my well-being, my writing, and my family.

TWEET TWEET

  • Agh: remember when ‘Snap Crackle Pop’ described your breakfast cereal and not your back?
  • Forest 3-2 Norwich, and we’re out of the bottom three for the first time this season. You beautiful Reds!
  • So that would be *my* 4yo wandering round the house, snapping bubble wrap and shouting “Who done a popoff?” every time it pops.
  • No better way to spend a summer holiday afternoon than down the pool with the kids. All hail the inventor of the water slide!
  • What’s the point of sending me all those emails promising me a larger erection when I’m taking anti-inflammatories?

TWEET TWEET

  • There is nobody as inconsolable as a 4 year old boy who has lost his new Ben 10 thongs he got for Christmas
  • 2009 has started and I’ve already clocked my first gym session of the year, Don’t you all feel bad for waiting until Jan 1st to catch up?
  • Also: ouch, my everything hurts.
  • @matociquala It’s okay: Russell Davies will be gone very soon, and then Dr Who can go back to being not shit for a while.

MORE MEMAGE

You have a sexual hidden talent

You have a sexual hidden talent. You might not look it but you are a dynamo in bed. Most of your lovers think that it is from years of practice, but really, you were just born with it.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Laaaaaaaaaaaaadies……

You fit in with:
Atheism

60% scientific.
80% reason-oriented.

Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people.
Take This Quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

If I can quote Iago from the animated Aladdin movie (and I think I can): Oh, what an amazing surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack from that surprise.

TWEET TWEET

  • 2009 starts tomorrow*. You have been notified (*- for me, anyway. Y’all can start whenever you’re ready, but I need to get back to work)
  • I shall join the list of twitter announcements and let you all know that Gardner Dozois has bought sweet fuck all from me for anything 🙂
  • A whole extra second has been added to 2008! Now I have time to be interested in Adam Sandler movies! www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28392450/
  • So tonight it’s be KFC and BSG. Put ’em all together and what have you got? KFCBSG…..
  • So that’s my last fast food for the foreseeable future eaten. Now I shall drink my last beer. Yes, I have taken my anti-inflammatories….
  • Am I the only one who thinks ‘The Yes Man’ just looks like a not-particulalry-original revamp of ‘Liar Liar’?
  • @seanlindsay It can be done– Shadow of The Vampire is a highly original revamp/re-imagining, but this sure doesn’t look like one
  • They look like us, they act like us, some have been programmed to think they are human… Cylons are Liberal Party volunteers, man!
  • @seanlindsay The problem with fickle minxes is knowing what to feed them…
  • Got me a Twitter Grade of 79/100 from @grader. See: twitter.grader.com/leebattersby. I’m ranked 95,930 out of 788,106