NASA is offering to send your name to Mars on a microchip.

That way, when the aliens land, they’ll know who to enslave.

A disabled pensioner uncovers a stash of Anglo-Saxon gold and silver three times as large as the Sutton Hoo find.

I don’t know what’s cooler– that he’ll cop a share of the 1M pounds plus reward, or that the British Museum maintains a ‘flying squad’…..