A SMALL HAIKU ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE

Gunmetal water

Acid-etched forever sky
No close-ups survive.
I like writing poetry. I don’t have the patience to be a real poet, but I do like that I have thoughts that can only be expressed in this image-heavy, emotion-rich medium. I occasionally sell them, and it’d be nice, somewhere along the line, to get a little book out, just to satisfy my artist dahlink credentials.
Anyway, this one came about because Jason Fischer put a call out on Facebook, and I liked it enough to post it here. Hope you like it too.

ROOM 102: JASON FISCHER


Time to improve the Universe again, my friends. This time, through the unique and possibly demented eyes of the only and only Jason ‘Jasoni’ Fischer author of over thirty short stories including such delicate, ethereal gems as Undead Camels Ate my Flesh and Pigroot Flat. I first met Jasoni during a week spent surviving tutoring Clarion South back in 2007, and it was clear then that he thought like nobody else around him. He’s a one-off, a unique voice, and a bloody good bloke into the bargain, and if he becomes as famous as I expect he will, then the handwritten shopping list he gave to my wife while I tore his story to shreds in a Brisbane shopping mall will be worth a fortune.

Jason lives near Adelaide, South Australia, with his wife and son. He has a passion for godawful puns, and is known to sing karaoke until the small hours. His first collection appears soon from Ticonderoga Publications, and will be worth every penny you pay for it. His YA zombie apocalypse novel “Quiver” is now available from Black House Comics, or viawww.tamsynwebb.com




Jasoni? All yours, mate:

Pedantry. A bit of pedantry is okay, but habitual pedants need to know their place in the universe. It’s about a hundred places below parking inspectors and tax auditors, and perhaps two or three spots down from furry civil war re-enactors. I get that sometimes people need to have it gently pointed out when they’ve made some sort of faux pas, but there’s something about the pedant that takes this one step further.
It’s the sick taking of glee when eviscerating those who’ve forgotten an apostrophe. The furious pounding of the keyboard when someone gets an obscure detail wrong. Sarcasm, forged on an anvil of hubris, the hammer wielded by the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.
In many ways, the pedant is the natural antonym and opposite of the punster. Whereas I take a natural joy in wordplay, these people are the dogs in the manger, snarling huffily at anyone who is fast and loose with language. Miserable, finger-waggling, sour-faced nay-sayers. I realise that these people are actually my natural enemy, and they must be driven out with smoke and flame.

So there we are. Pedants, fuck thee off (My eldest son is going to have to engage in a major lifestyle change, and quick!). How are we progressing? Well, here’s how the Universe is shaping up:
Lyn Battersby
Mocking of Phobias
Brian M Logan
Passivity
Jason Fischer
Pedantry

It’s all looking rather good so far. We’re still sticking with concepts– you know a Universe without Tony Abbott or James Corden would be an improvement, you just know it– but that’s the fun thing about improving the Universe: anyone can do it.