Just for laughs– high-pitched, hysterical laughter like a nail file along the edge of a glass– here’s a few songs to gt you through Halloween this year. I can’t imagine what they all have in common.

The Ballad of Dwight Fry– Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper is the rock master of all things Guignol. And, apart from being damned creepy and a tribute to one of the great lost, mad creatures of the classic Hollywood monster era, Cooper recorded the “Gotta get out of here” refrain by lying on the floor of the studio and having a pile of folding chairs heaped over him until his claustrophobia took hold. Recording your own panicked neurosis for the sake of your single? Welcome to Halloween, sweetheart.

Dead Eyes Opened– Headless Chickens

From its buzzsaw beats to its grisly subject matter, this is a classic creepfest from beginning to end. The beautifully enunciated, teddibly teddibly British narration only adds to the off-kilter weirdfest. A dance floor hit about burning the severed head of a woman? Classic.

Aisha– Death in Vegas

Let’s be honest, it’s not like the Iggster is at the normal end of the spectrum to begin with. But his monotone delivery and whipperwhill screeching over the discordant guitars make this another brilliant dance track that’s an awkward listening experience. A self-confessed serial killer pronouncing his undying love for the titular character is almost irrelevant in the face of the sheer oddness of the delivery.

97 Bonnie and Clyde– Tori Amos

Eminem’s original is a darkly funny fable about a man dumping the body of his ex-wife and her new husband in a lake while the narrator’s toddler looks on. Amos slows the music down and her cracke,d whispered delivery adds a thick layer of uneasiness to the track. Amongst the best covers ever recorded, and a distinctly unsettling listening experience.

Lotion– Greens Keepers

Because everybody watched Buffalo Bill in action during Silence of the Lambs and thought, “What this guy needs is a ballad,” right? Right?

So, if you’re still here, wash your mind out with the real meaning of modern Halloween: dressing up in silly costumes and acting like a loon. Have the utter genius of the Bonzo the Dog Doo Dah Band for dessert.

Sleep well, children.

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