Length of pool when there with the family on Sunday: 25 metres.

Length of pool this morning, after they removed the thing I thought was a permanent feature and didn’t realise was a temporary wall cutting the pool in two: 50 metres.

Distance I can swim before needing to take a break to gasp and flop about like a dying fish: 25 metres.

Lengths I can swim before I am overcome by dizziness, lack of breath, and all-round symptoms of dying: 5.

God, when did I become so pathetic?