Vampires are comedy gold, for one very good reason: vampires are stupid. Not the legends and folklore that lie at the heart of the vampire– many of them are truly fascinating, and far more entertaining than the versions we see today. What I’m referring to is the Westernised, post-Lugosi, bowdlerised version with which Hollywood and teen romances burden us on a regular basis.
If it sparkles, burn it with fire.
“I just have one of those metabolisms– I can eat and eat, and never put any weight on.”