PATREON IS LAUNCHED: IT TAKES A LOTOSAURUS TO BE A DILOPHOSAURUS

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And we’re away again, turning for the home stretch and detailing the highest levels of Pledge-My-Money-to-Aid-the-Arts-Via-the-Medium-of-Patreon goodness. Today, we look at all the wonders that can be yours for the mere shelling out of $10 a month: after all, It Takes a Lotosaurus to be a Dilophosaurus.

This is the big time, now. For your pledge, you’ll receive some fantastic rewards, as well as everything you’ve already seen detailed in the four previous levels.

But don’t just believe me. Let a fat man with almost no hair persuade you.

Check out the previously profiled levels:

Like the idiot in the video says (Where do they get these people?) become a patron and receive all this awesome stuff by heading on over to my Patreon site and sign up for your preferred reward. Patron rewards start on 1 Feb 2018. While you’re there, download the free story you get just for saying hello.

Become a Patron!

PATREON IS LAUNCHED: AIR-COOLED, TOTALLY WORKED V8 AUSTRALOVENATOR, MAAAATE.

The I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Schmatreon Neon Firework Explodiness Patreon launch continues, and today, we bring it all back home to the land of open skies, driving fast, big donks, excessive fuel consumption, and the ride eternal, shiny and chrome: the Air-Cooled, Totally Worked V8 Australovenator, Maaaate.

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For $5 a month, you can become forever associated with the most vicious, monstrous,  nastiest reptile the Australian continent has ever seen.

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NOT HIM!

And like the Australovenator that will be your namesake, the power you wield will be the power to control. (‘Cause that’s what they did. Totes. YOU DON’T KNOW! YOU WEREN’T THERE!)

Once a year, I’ll publish a ‘5 for Friday‘ post on the Batthaim website on a subject of your choice, and acknowledge you as the genius behind the whole thing. That’s right: you can choose 5 Sexiest Male Mining Company CEOs, or 5 Helpless Marsupials I’d Most Like to Defenestrate, or 5 One Nation Candidates I’d Most Like to Cuddle, and I won’t even be able to spit in your eye: I’ll have to write it! This sort of power doesn’t come along every day, not even if you paint yourself in cheeto dust and use words like biggly-wiggly.

Plus, as if you’re not already on the verge of going power mad and turning into Sam Neil with a whole head full of badly-painted 666 tattoos, every six months I’ll dance to the pulling of your strings and create a single panel cartoon just for you on– again– any damn subject you choose. Beetroots of the Millennium? Done. Sentient, kitten-abducting porridge? Done. One Nation candidates you’d most like to cuddle? What is it with you and this fascist obsession? Doesn’t matter: done! And not just a sketch, such as those you’ve been seeing during Thumbnail Thursday: these are fully drawn, fully-inked, completed cartoons.

To give you a little taster of what you can receive from 1 Feb 2018, here’s a couple of older, already-completed examples.

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Baked Potato

On top of this,  you’ll get all the rewards received by Deinonychus, Troodon, and Velociraptor levels as well. That’s some decent booty for the price of… some sort… of coffee… that costs five bucks.

Check out the previously profiled levels:

To become a patron and receive all this (if I do say so myself) awesome stuff (although your One Nation fandom is more than a little disturbing), head on over to my Patreon site and sign up for your preferred reward. Patron rewards begin from 1 Feb 2018. While you’re there, download the free story you get just for saying hello.

Become a Patron!

PATREON IS LAUNCHED: TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DEINONYCHUS

As our giant, Mega-Supreme Lord of Super-Upsized Patreon launch continues, we take a look at the 3rd level of support, the $3 per month Today is a Good Day to Deinonychus.

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As you’re already a fan of my 5 For Friday posts, you’ve already experienced the frustration of really wanting me to talk about a particular subject, but never getting around to actually talking about the damn thing because I combine a complete lack of psychic ability with an almost whimsical self-centredness. Well, frustrate no more. By pledging at the Deinonychus level, you will be able to vote for upcoming ‘5 for Friday‘ posts at this here Batthaim website, and be acknowledged on those posts as the decision-making genius who directed it!

Plus, as a fan of Thumbnail Thursday, you’ll also receive one patron-only single panel cartoon per month. And not just the scratchings-from-time-past that Thumbnail Thursday presents. These will be completed and inked cartoons that, in other circumstances, I’d be submitting for publication. That’s a dozen exclusive cartoons, and the chance to direct the content of the Batthaim, for just $3 a month. This could be as close to running The New Yorker as either of us get!

To give you an idea of what you can look forward to receiving from 1 Feb 2018, here are a couple of my older, completed cartoons.

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Check out the previously profiled levels:

To become a patron and receive all this (if I do say so myself) awesome stuff, head on over to my Patreon site and sign up for your preferred reward. Patron rewards begin on 1 Feb 2018. While you’re there, download the free story you get just for saying hello.

 Become a Patron!

5 FOR FRIDAY: ALICE COOPER SONGS

I came across Alice Cooper in the oddest way possible: at the age of 11 or 12, attending an end-of-season dinner for my soccer club at ‘Max Kaye’s Theatre Restaurant’– a dinner theatre affair owned by, and featuring the titular hero. Imagine a grubby, sleazy Ronnie Corbett with the sort of humour that appealed to Bernard Manning fans of the 1970s, and you’ll have a fair idea of the sort of entertainment that was on offer.

And in the middle of it all, an (to my childhood mind) utterly incredible dance sequence featuring human spiders and ghosts to the strains of Welcome To My Nightmare.

I was stunned. Within a week I had the album, and a lifelong love affair was born. At a time when the boganistas that surrounded me were sunk into the Chisel/ACDC/Aussie Crawl triumvirate, I was already on a far different cultural journey. If nothing else, my life-long love of the concept album was born with him, and for that alone I could be grateful, if not for the fact that he’s been my introduction into so much theory on the intersection of narrative, music, folklore, and theatre.

He’s had ups and downs: a critical flat spot in the 1980s, and despite the brilliance of later albums like Brutal Planet and The Last Temptation, he’s tailed off with sub-par albums like Dragontown and Along Came a Spider. But he’ll always be close to my heart because, even at his weakest, there’s a commitment to the strange that oozes out of his music, and his theatre, and his lyrics, that I respond to, over and over.

Here then, for no other reason than I love them and they’re not among his most widely known songs outside of Coop fandom, are five Alice Cooper songs that make my sense buzz.

 

5 For Friday: The Coop

 

Continue reading “5 FOR FRIDAY: ALICE COOPER SONGS”

PATREON IS LAUNCHED: IS TROODON, IS GOOD

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Today, in our extended Patreon launch/love-in, I want to focus upon the $2/month commitment. Let’s have a look at Is Troodon, Is Good.

For $2 a month, you’ll receive a patron-exclusive 500 word story. Every month. For less than the price of, what, one-quarter of a slice of toast with some mangled avocado on it, or three blades of grass in a downmarket suburb of Sydney, I’ll send you a complete, rounded, and limited-edition story for your private reading pleasure. Each year, you’ll read a dozen short stories that only you and your fellow Troodon-and-above peers will have access to. You’ll be able to form a club. Use the titles like passwords. Get tattoos together. It’ll be like being in a VIP reading lounge all of your own.

To give you a taste of what’s to come, here’s a snippet from February’s exclusive tale, Resurrection.

 

The doctor looked at his watch as a lone vulture descended slowly to the lawn.

“Eight minutes, forty seconds.”

He made a mark in his notebook, then placed his pen on the small table beside his chair and examined the page as the vulture pecked at the corpse on the grass.

“Which proves what?”

“The effects of the elixir are getting quicker. Watch.”

 

Twelve exclusive stories per year, plus the monthly patron-only journal entry available at the Velociraptors of Love level, for $2 a month. Be honest. You spend more than that on Booster Gold merchandise and candle wicks, don’t you?

Check out the previously-profiled level, The Velociraptors of Love.

To become a patron and receive all this (if I do say so myself) awesome stuff, head on over to my Patreon site and sign up for your preferred reward. Patron rewards start from 1 Feb 2018. While you’re there, download the free story you get just for saying hello.