Tyrannosaurus Rexs are funny. Okay, maybe not if you’re a ceratopsian, or if you’re stuck in a jeep with Jeff Goldblum’s sweaty chest, but for illustration purposes, anything with a giant, oversized head and teensy, tiny little arms is downright hilarious.
Look at how many Donald Trump cartoons there have been over the last five years.
So, yeah. Teensy tiny arms + activity that requires using teensy tiny arms = 70% of every tee shirt on Redbubble and comedy gold.
Here is some comedy gold. Unwrap it and enjoy the chocolate.
“Aww, but Mummmm…” “I said no. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
All I’m saying is, Madagascar came out in 2005. I must have sketched this out no later than 1999, because I’d pretty much abandoned all hope of cartooning in favour of concentrating on writing by then (and look how well that didn’t turn out…).
I’m owed at least a fiver, and my law firm — Madeup, Daydream, and Delusion — agrees.
Also, note: some words just automatically make things funnier. ‘Fling’ is one of those words. Try it. You’ll see.
“Of course I’m aware of the Jungian notion that physical rebellion is an extension of psychological unhappiness, but mostly I just like to fling poo.”
All fictions are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
The Bible is far more equal to far too many people. Animal Farm is not equal enough. Let’s put them together, and let one point out the absurdity of the other, shall we?
Let’s be honest, if the only reason Man sits above the animals is because God said so, and God just destroyed the entire world under a deluge because Man fucked up so badly, and you’re now one of only two of your entire race shoved into a cramped, smelly, leaking boat with every other carnivore on the planet, wouldn’t you begin asking a question or two?
“Father, one of the pigs just said ‘Four legs good, two legs bad’…”
Transposing childhood games onto adult pursuits is part of the starter-for-ten pack when it comes to cartooning, comedy, fandom, the arts, and my Lego obsession. Shut up, you’re not my Mum.
So here I am, doing it again.
Also, proof that editing exists: witness the insertion of ‘court marshall’ to make the joke more explicit, and witness the fact that I’d have to edit it again in the final draft because some dickheads can’t tell the difference between ‘marshall’ and ‘martial’. Past Lee: what a dildo.
“What do you mean, court marshall(sic)? I got their flag. We won.”
Or, as I’m now stuck teaching for the foreseeable future, perhaps it’s my adult nightmares. Either way, it’s the classic “turning up to school naked” dream made, uh, flesh, and let’s be honest, somebody better probably did it before me. Probably Bill Watterson. Yeah. Bet it was Watterson.
(Which is is good a time as any to remind you all that Thumbnail Thursday is a segment in which I upload old cartoons I sketched back in the days when I thought I might have a shot at being a cartoonist. We’re talking 25-odd years ago. Times change, tastes, change, and other people — actual actual cartoonists — have undoubtedly published the odd idea in the meantime off their own bat. Life happens.)
“It is not a dream, Mister Adams. It is also the third time this week.”
So, an explanation is required: that’s Lucifer in the middle, flanked by Hitler and Brutus. It’s Hell, and it’s the interview question from, quite literally, Hell. Because wocka wocka satire or something, and none of that is apparent from a thumbnail that is pretty damn crappy even by the low quality bar of my thumbnails to begin with.
This week, well, we’ve got the recent announcement of the shitty, diluted, Jack Kirby sleepwalking through a contract, pale Inhumans clone, The Eternals coming to the movies, and, well… look, I’m just going to say it: Hawkeye. Scarlet Witch. White Vision. Mockingbird. War Machine. Hank Pym. USAgent. Moon Knight’s coming in 2022….
Yeah. The West Coast Avengers are all in the MCU, and you heard it here first.
So, as a companion piece to last week’s set of individuals, let’s look at five teams who could make the MCorTVU a better place. Better than the frigging Eternals, anyway……
Another example of combining two obvious elements to try and create a third, a tactic I clearly resorted to regularly when I was trying to establish whether I could do this cartooning thing on an ongoing basis (Hint: I couldn’t).
Psychiatrist’s couch. Robot. Good job I didn;t go for anything really cliched, right?
“I just do whatever the voices in my head tell me to.”
So, the first thing that happened was that Lord 16 and I needed to get another free week of Disney + so we could watch season two of BucketHead and the BabyLone Spacewolf and GreenCubThe Mandalorian.
So, the second thing that happened was we realised we’d actually accidentally paid for a month so we’d better get our money’s worth.
Which is why we’ve spent the last couple of weeks mainlining WandaVision and Falcon & The Winter Soldier. Nothing can justify why I subsequently forced him to watch an entire episode of The Inhumans, other than I love the characters in the comic books, and I needed to see if it really is as bad as everyone said it is.
So having steeped ourselves in the current round of extended adverts for the next phase of bloated, self-indulgent big screen Marvel soap operas (which does both shows a disservice: F&WS is an excellent adventure romp, and WandaVision is an utterly extraordinary piece of television) — thoughts turn to who else should have themselves a groundbreaking TV show, and just who is left for the Marvel Execs to dig up, plug into a blender, and spit out. After all, we must be down to the J-grade guys by now, right?
Well, kind of, yeah. So, with a few ground rules below, here are five Marvel characters I think are prime candidates for inclusion into the MTVU.
5 for Friday: The Best of the Rest of the Rest of the Few Who are Left by the Rest
Look, money comes in, money goes out, and just occasionally special happy time money comes in, and Luscious gives me an allowance for shiny new rocks and twigs and things stolen from the hair of passing pedestrians…….
Um, yeah. I got me some new graphic novels recently. Let’s move on from unfortunate analogies that make me sound like a sex pest in a tree and see how they turned out, shall we? Quickly, now.
So I’m talking about the long weekend with my Year Eight class, and I mention I’m going to spend some time working on my Lego display. Which leads to discussing how yes, I’m a grown-ass man and I’m into Lego.
STUDENTS: What do you build?
I call up Google images and show them some displays from previous years’ exhibitions. Cue discussion of MOCs v sets and how I get to where I do what I do.
STUDENTS: How many sets do you have?
I tell them.
STUDENTS: How many pieces do you have?
I tell them. I also tell them how much my collection is insured for.
There is a *long* pause.
SMALL VOICE FROM BACK OF ROOM: …………… Are you mad?
You’ll learn, my sweet, summer child. You’ll learn
Sometimes you come across something that must have seemed like a good idea inside your head when you had it. Possibly you were dehydrated.
I mean, the vampire’s filling up a car. With… blood? The car looks like a normal car. Is it a vampire, too? Does he not know how cars operate? Is there a lot of blood in those bowsers? How does this even all work?
Drink more, exercise daily, and stay in school, kids. Don’t have ideas like this, m’kay?
I’m head-down-bum-up over my display for the upcoming Bricktober 2021 exhibition these school holidays. So while I’m spending countless hours away from my loved ones, locked in a neon-lit room with the curtains closed, chipping my nails and growing the callouses on my fingertips as I spend hours debating over exactly which face is the best one to put atop that minifig people will glance at for less than a half-second on the way to fangasming at the bloke who just shoved Star Wars minifigs into a bunch of straight-out-of-the-carton City sets (I’m not bitter), I thought I’d have a look at which five bricks I come back to again and again every time I want to achieve an effect.
Here, then, out of the several hundred different styles of Lego brick, are the five I can currently call my favourites. Until next time I’m asked.