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Lee Battersby

Half man, half writer

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Category Daily Shakespeare

FEBRUARY AND APRIL HARES ARE LAUGHING

March 20, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

CLEARLY, WILL HAD STUDENTS

March 19, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Pretty sure this is the same address our Principal gives the outgoing Year Twelves at their graduation ceremony.

THAT’S NOT HOW BABIES ARE MADE, WILL.

March 18, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

This is what comes of spending your entire career dressing up teenage boys as girls…

ANY OTHER ANIMALS, THERE, WILL?

March 17, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Snakes, dogs, serpents, fawns…… what about the hedgehogs? Won’t someone think of the hedgehogs?

FUCK THEE OFF

March 16, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Short and sweet.

FUCK THEE OFF

March 16, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Short and sweet.

THAT’S TESTY WITH A ‘Y’, NOT WITH AN ‘E’…

March 15, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

You don’t want that view. Nobody wants that view.

OH, THAT VAUNTING

March 6, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Typical, innit? A man vaunts ‘mongst his minions and he’s a stud, but a woman vaunts ‘mongst her minions…

WILL GOES FULL PUB NIGHT

March 5, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

I’ll smash your teef so far down yer froat you’ll need to stick a toofbrush up ya arse to brush ’em…

HOW DARE YOU!

March 4, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

My knowledge isn’t a great heap! It’s a tiny heap! In fact it’s not even a heap at all!…… Uh…… wait……

THE LIEBERAL CREED

March 3, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Like sexual assaults, and corruption, and refugees, and women, right Crime Minister Scum?

LINSEY-WOOLSEY?

March 2, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Didn’t I date her at Uni?

NO, *YOUR* ITERATION IS DAMNABLE!

March 1, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Uh……. yeah!

WILL, MEET SCUM.

February 22, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Have you seen a better description of our venal, corrupt Crime Minister?

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN SUBTLE.

February 20, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

DAT WILL ISH ONE CRAISHY GUY, YEAH?

February 18, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Why the Dutch, Will? What have you got against the Dutch?

WILL v SCUMMO

February 17, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

It’s as if Will has actually met Scum the Crime Minister, or maybe this was just written about him by a woman…

YO MAMA

February 16, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Shakespeare did ‘your mother’ jokes.

Shakespeare. Did. ‘Your mother’. Jokes!

I FEEL PERSONALLY CALLED OUT.

February 15, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

It’s like he knows me…

DUDE, JUST SAY IT’S OVER.

February 13, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Wait. Is Will…… admitting…… to a taste…… for fet?

WILL’S WATCHED ME AT WORK

February 12, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

I feel personally called out.

SHADDUP, WILL.

February 11, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

I’m not burnt out, you’re burnt ou…. oh, no, wait. It’s me. I’m burnt out. I am so burnt out.

I SEE YOU’VE MET MY MOTHER-IN-LAW

February 10, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

YE LORD OF THY MATER GAGS

February 9, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

Will Shakespeare. Shake’s Spear. Get it? Get it? Fine. Write for 70s sitcons yourself, then.

WILL’S OBVIOUSLY TAUGHT YEAR NINE BOYS

February 8, 2021leebattersby Leave a comment

There’s only one way to describe the combination of sweat, sneakers, unwashed hair and Lynx Africa, and this is it.

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Would you believe he came out well?

He had a bright, inquiring mind.

His family knew that he’d go far,

if he applied his time.

But he started out standing on corners,

and talking out loud, too loud.

You see, he couldn’t believe in himself, or the world,

or anything he heard.

— Johnny The Horse, Madness.

Blethers

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