BRUTUS: I just ate this whole meal, but I’m still hungry. What shall I do?
JULIUS: Eat two, Brutus.
Fuck you, I’m hilarious.
Category humour
AAAAAAND LIFE LESSON!
Today I walked past a little girl in the shops just as she yelled “I don’t work for mean bossyheads!” at nobody in particular, and I never knew my spirit animal would turn out to be a four year old in a sparkly tutu, but here we are.
WORDS IS EVERYFINK
Luscious is having a crack at moving towards veganism, and she’s doing very well at it. I’m proud of course, but I also want to help……
PICTURE. THOUSAND WORDS.
Suddenly, so much is explained……
MIXED MOVIE QUOTES: ITSIDE OUT
Karratha has a beautiful theatre complex, which contains exactly one cinema screen in the auditorium that doubles as both cinema and traditional theatre. As a consequence, screenings are very limited: more often than not, a movie will have one-two screenings at best. Miss an anticipated flick, and you’re stuck with waiting until it arrives on DVD at the one store we have for that purpose.
Needless to say, Lord 14 is extremely happy to have secured tickets to the one screening of It 2 for him and his girlfriend.
Which is my little way of saying you can blame his constant chatter for this mixed-up movie quote.
MIXED MOVIE QUOTE: PLEASE LOOK AFTER THIS TAXI DRIVER
So, yeah, we watched Taxi Driver. This is where my head went. Another mixed movie quote. I make no apologies.
OCCASIONALLY, MY BRAIN PLAYS ROLEY-POLEYS.
It’s not unusual: you watch one movie, and realise just how perfectly a line from that movie would fit into another movie. So, you know, you download an image, and open it with Paint, and, you know…… right?
Anyway, I was washing the dishes, and my mind was wandering, and that’s how the first one happened. And then I was watching The Untouchables, and I was getting bored (it really hasn’t aged well), and my mind was wandering……. and anyway, it amuses me, and there’s bound to be more, I’ll post ’em as they happen, ‘k?
‘K.
Continue reading “OCCASIONALLY, MY BRAIN PLAYS ROLEY-POLEYS.”
WEDNESDAY IS TWO FINGERS DOWN THE THROAT DAY
So, tonight, in the ongoing How Has Luscious Made it to Her Mid-40s and Missed All These Classic Movies? film festival, I introduced her to the classic SF film Soylent Green.
Which got me thinking of another great movie I’ve seen recently.
Which got me fiddling about with Photopad.
Which lead to this 🙂
Why, yes. I am on a week’s holiday. Why do you ask?
THE BEST POSSIBLE TASTE ISN’T HERE RIGHT NOW. LEAVE A MESSAGE.
The Horror Writers Association is dedicated to the promotion of horror writing and horror authors. It’s a damn fine organisation filled with the loveliest people and not at all creeping with the kind of denatured freaks that make you lock your windows at night and fit a chastity belt to your budgie.
Their latest fun escapade is the Horror Selfies campaign, a viral campaign whereby horror industry creative types take a selfie with a message encouraging you to put down the latest pile of Colleen McCullough slop you’re bravely believing fulfills you and pick up something with a little meat on its bones…. raw, dripping, tasty meat.
You can see a fabulously funny gallery over at the Horror Selfies site, but just in case you can’t summon the strength to click anywhere up to twice in a row, here’s my little effort for your edification:
I’M JUST GOING TO LEAVE THIS HERE…
Post photos of your treasure haul and your washing machined-cat in the comments…
A LITTLE BIT OF FRIDAY TRUTH
AND THEN THERE ARE THE REALLY *BIG* AWARDS!
Now, to an award in which you can play a part in the outcome, faithful reader.
The Battersblog has been nominated for the Best Australian Blogs 2013 competition, a little piece of fun co-ordinated by the Australian Writers Centre. Something like 1100 blogs have been entered, so it’s not that exclusive, but the winner does win the power to reform Mott the Hoople, a year’s supply of red M&Ms with the logo licked off so you can pretend they’re Smarties, and an all expenses paid trip to Canberra where 4 Big Brother rejects will hold Tony Abbot down on a footpath while you kick in his smirky little bonobo face with a pair of hob nail boots, so it’s a pretty sweet set of booty.
The People’s Choice Award is now open, and carries on until 5pm on Tuesday 30 April 2013. Voters do not need to be Australian, so if you’d like to see me blissed out on red candy, physically assaulting a loathsome patch of human slurry to some of the best glam rock power chords recorded between the years 1968 and 72-ish, just click on the icon below, scroll through page after page of blogs you don’t like quite so much as this one until you get to the ‘T’ page, and cast your vote for your humble correspondent’s rambling efforts.
Your country thanks you.
YEAH, WARM AND FUZZY IS NOT WHAT I’M FEELING TODAY
DUDE, WHAT’S WRONG WITH USING SCISSORS?
I realise it’s been a while: I’ve largely been off the internet doing really-lifey sorta things. There’s some real content coming in the next couple of days, but in the meantime, read down to line four of this and be glad you were born with two hemispheres to your brain…..
There isn’t a single scenario in the Universe where I can imagine needing to do that.
RORY WILLIAMS: HARD AS FUCK
As if anybody ever needed proof that Rory is rapidly becoming the Best Companion Ever ™:
Smurched from Cheeseburger.com. Authorised by the first precepts of Universal Truth.
WE LET THIS GUY BE THE FATHER OF OUR GENRE. AREN’T YOU PROUD?
Smurched from Roger Ebert’s Blog, via a head-up from Cat Sparks. I’m just all warm and fuzzy inside knowing I work in a genre that contains the inventor of the DIY steampunk gimp mask….
A SMALL FOUND POEM USING THE LAST FEW SEARCH ITEMS THAT LED PEOPLE TO MY BLOG
Carrot
Carrots
Battersblog
Pastanaga
Do be do be do ba do be, do ba do be
Carrot with a face
Ohhhhhhhhhh yeah, babeeeeeee.
THERE WILL BE A SHORT PAUSE WHILE I LAUGH MY FREAKING ARSE OFF
According to Darkcounter, the last two Google searches that sent people to this blog were “pictures of handsome Jehovah’s Witnesses” and my old friend “Billie Piper’s Nipples”.
I’m going to be trying to fit them into the same image for days….. :))
I’M SICK, I’M BORED: ENTERTAIN ME
Off work since Wednesday with a massive lurgi, and I’ve finally read every comic in the house and watched every episode of QI a-GAIN, so now it’s your turn.
Tell me: who is the worst writer of all time?
I’ll open with Guy N. Smith, inflicter-upon of such delights as Night of the Crabs, The Sucking Pit (not as sexy as it might sound….) and Satan’s Snowdrop.
Anyone wanna raise?
I’M A ROCK. IT. MAAANNNNNN!
Is this the single greatest musical performance in the history of human endeavour? Only history will decide.
I, on the other hand, may need bowel surgery now.
HOW TO BREAK YOUR MOTHER IN ONE EASY LESSON
Lunch. Sizzler. Lyn and Aiden across from each other at the table, baby Luc in Lyn’s lap, laughing and giggling as Nanna does the Nanna thing. Everything’s cute and lovely and full of awwwwwwww.
AIDEN: You know what I love most about babies?
LYN: What?
AIDEN: They can’t pronounce the safe word.
I couldn’t see straight for about ten minutes.
TAKE THAT, CHILDISH SENSE OF WONDER!
Driving home from the Worlds Next Door launch, Lyn spots Venus out the car window and points it out to the kids, which prompts us to have a conversation about the planet, and why it’s so bright, and all of that sort of kiddie-inspiring sensawunda stuff. Shortly afterwards….
CONNOR: (gasps) Venus is following us!
ME: Oh no! Maybe it’s stalking us!
LYN: Maybe it’s because women are from Venus, and it can see there’s two girls in the car so it’s attracted to us and wants to be with us!
ERIN: Yeah, or maybe it’s just that Venus goes around the sun the same way Earth does so it looks like it’s moving at the same speed Earth is.
Well. Yes. Maybe it’s that.
Fuck you, childhood world of magic.
RUBBISH WITH ANDREW PREVIEW
Because I’m feeling rather self indulgent this morning:
AND ANOTHER ONE
Oh, what the hell: frigging genius, this is:
SUNDAY YOUTUBERY
I’ve not been the same since libraries started stocking DVDs. Especially as they seem to like stocking DVDs of all the old comediy shows I grew up with.
Thanks to Rockingham Uni Library, we introduced Blakey to the wonder of Morecambe & Wise the other week, and I’ve been on a jag ever since.
Here’s one of their best moments. Bring me sunshine? They always did.
