The days are long, the school is empty, and there I am, stuck in the office at recess with nothing to do but keep up with Covid-19 announcements and post after post where people lose their shit about a lack of face masks when it’s been made more than clear that you don’t need one unless you are working in a trade that already or requires them, or you actually have the damned thing already. If you’re a normal, healthy person, you don’t need one. Stop wearing them around the shops. You just look like a panicky git.

Anyway, I made a meme.


Bane and Bats


So, COVID-19 has happened. Are you having fun yet?

One of the reasons I’ve been so unsighted here recently is because, as even a part-time not-much-of-a teacher, I’m considered “essential” (if only they knew). I’ve been in the classroom teaching an increasingly small population of distracted, disinterested, and frightened children as their world behaves in ways they’ve never seen before. In addition, I’m following Education Department orders to transition everything I’m doing to a purely online environment, and plan for delivering the next term’s content across both in-person and online platforms.

In short, every teacher you know is currently pulling double duty as well as having to learn how to operate in a completely new environment that none of them have been trained for. Weeeeeee……..

The yippee point for me, of course, is that, having pulled off a million billion different types of workshops over the course of my writing career, I’m actually kind of used to delivering content in an online environment: I’ve done it for the Australian Writers Marketplace and the Brisbane Writers Festival among many others. So, I’m about thaaaaaaaat far ahead of some of my colleagues. It’s only the actually being some sort of teacher bit that I have to catch up on.

That said, I’ll be posting some longer diatribes about Karratha in COVID-time over the next couple of weeks. And I’ll also, as I’m going to do today, throw up a few of the silly things people are doing to keep themselves occupied while we deal with the impending (or, for many of my friends, already-arrived) periods of isolation and containment.

To whit, a little something started by my pal Toni Koller, back down in my old haunt of Rockingham. Enjoy. Copy. Play along.


Fun with Fours

Four names I go by:

1. Lee

2. Battboy

3. Tatterdemalion

4. Mister


Four Places I’ve lived:

1. Nottingham

2. Kambalda

3. Narrogin

4. Rockingham


Four things I love to watch on TV:

1. The Prisoner

2. The Good Place

3. Murder documentaries

4. Battlestar Galactica (the reboot)


Four places I have visited:

1. Bali

2. Singapore

3. Brisbane

4. Phuket


Four things I love to eat:

1. Lasagne

2. Licorice bullets

3. Chicken Caesar salad

4. Pea and ham soup


Four of my favorite beverages:

1. Pepsi Max

2. Vanilla malt thickshakes

3. Mango beer

4. Lemon, lime, and bitters


How about you?


Karratha has a beautiful theatre complex, which contains exactly one cinema screen in the auditorium that doubles as both cinema and traditional theatre. As a consequence, screenings are very limited: more often than not, a movie will have one-two screenings at best. Miss an anticipated flick, and you’re stuck with waiting until it arrives on DVD at the one store we have for that purpose.

Needless to say, Lord 14 is extremely happy to have secured tickets to the one screening of It 2 for him and his girlfriend.

Which is my little way of saying you can blame his constant chatter for this mixed-up movie quote.




It’s not unusual: you watch one movie, and realise just how perfectly a line from that movie would fit into another movie. So, you know, you download an image, and open it with Paint, and, you know…… right?

Anyway, I was washing the dishes, and my mind was wandering, and that’s how the first one happened. And then I was watching The Untouchables, and I was getting bored (it really hasn’t aged well), and my mind was wandering……. and anyway, it amuses me, and there’s bound to be more, I’ll post ’em as they happen, ‘k?




Because it keeps coming up on my Facebook feed, and frankly, it’s just the greatest thing ever done in the history of the world, and you should all see the Universe as I do.

I don’t have the provenance, so if anybody knows the original freaking genius artist, let me know and I’ll happily include the correct acknowledgement.


Grover rain




It’s going round Facebook. This is how I spend my time and imagination, these days…

▪️First job: Tennis coach at my local tennis school
▪️Dream job: Author
▪️Favourite foot attire: Skin
▪️Favourite lolly: Licorice bullets
▪️Favourite ice cream: Boysenberry ripple
▪️Where are you right now : At the kitchen table
▪️Favourite pizza : Whichever one is in front of me.
▪️Favourite movie: Blade Runner
▪️Favourite TV show: The Prisoner
▪️Favourite day of the week: The one with the sleep-in
▪️Favourite flower: Self-raising
▪️Tattoos: 3
▪️Piercings: 1
▪️Like to cook: Dinner
▪️Favorite Colour: burgundy
▪️Gold or silver: Not since the 2000 Olympics. I’ve told you a million times: My career is over. Somebody else needs to carry the mixed pole vaulting legacy.
▪️Do you like vegetables: Very much so. I think we should set them all free and stop using them for food.
▪️Do you wear glasses: Only for seeing.
▪️Favourite season: Of the Witch.
▪️Dream travel location: Paris. The 1920s. First. Should be drunk enough to lead Hemingway and the lads on a raid to steal the TARDIS by noon.