THUMBNAIL THURSDAY ISN’T AFRAID TO BUGGER UP ANYBODY’S SUNDAY MORNING

I don’t know what God’s reaction would be if a couple of religious loons knocked him up first thing on a Sunday morning wanting to talk about how the adult son he can’t get out of the bloody house and into a real job is some sort of superman figure with the power to forgive humanity all of the evils it should have known better than to pull in the first place… but I’m guessing ‘smite’ figures large in the calculations.

“I’m guessing you won’t need a copy of The Watchtower, then.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY GOES CRETACEOUS ON YOUR ASS

Tyrannosaurus Rexs are funny. Okay, maybe not if you’re a ceratopsian, or if you’re stuck in a jeep with Jeff Goldblum’s sweaty chest, but for illustration purposes, anything with a giant, oversized head and teensy, tiny little arms is downright hilarious.

Look at how many Donald Trump cartoons there have been over the last five years.

So, yeah. Teensy tiny arms + activity that requires using teensy tiny arms = 70% of every tee shirt on Redbubble and comedy gold.

Here is some comedy gold. Unwrap it and enjoy the chocolate.

“Aww, but Mummmm…”
“I said no. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY WANTS ITS MADAGASCAR MONEY, DAMN IT!

All I’m saying is, Madagascar came out in 2005. I must have sketched this out no later than 1999, because I’d pretty much abandoned all hope of cartooning in favour of concentrating on writing by then (and look how well that didn’t turn out…).

I’m owed at least a fiver, and my law firm — Madeup, Daydream, and Delusion — agrees.

Also, note: some words just automatically make things funnier. ‘Fling’ is one of those words. Try it. You’ll see.

“Of course I’m aware of the Jungian notion that physical rebellion is an extension of psychological unhappiness, but mostly I just like to fling poo.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY PUTS THE HORSE IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK

All fictions are created equal, but some are more equal than others.

The Bible is far more equal to far too many people. Animal Farm is not equal enough. Let’s put them together, and let one point out the absurdity of the other, shall we?

Let’s be honest, if the only reason Man sits above the animals is because God said so, and God just destroyed the entire world under a deluge because Man fucked up so badly, and you’re now one of only two of your entire race shoved into a cramped, smelly, leaking boat with every other carnivore on the planet, wouldn’t you begin asking a question or two?

“Father, one of the pigs just said ‘Four legs good, two legs bad’…”

THURSDAY THUMBNAIL PLAYS WITH LOTTE, LOTTE PLAYS WITH JANE

Transposing childhood games onto adult pursuits is part of the starter-for-ten pack when it comes to cartooning, comedy, fandom, the arts, and my Lego obsession. Shut up, you’re not my Mum.

So here I am, doing it again.

Also, proof that editing exists: witness the insertion of ‘court marshall’ to make the joke more explicit, and witness the fact that I’d have to edit it again in the final draft because some dickheads can’t tell the difference between ‘marshall’ and ‘martial’. Past Lee: what a dildo.

“What do you mean, court marshall(sic)? I got their flag. We won.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY REVISITS MY CHILDHOOD NIGHTMARES

Or, as I’m now stuck teaching for the foreseeable future, perhaps it’s my adult nightmares. Either way, it’s the classic “turning up to school naked” dream made, uh, flesh, and let’s be honest, somebody better probably did it before me. Probably Bill Watterson. Yeah. Bet it was Watterson.

(Which is is good a time as any to remind you all that Thumbnail Thursday is a segment in which I upload old cartoons I sketched back in the days when I thought I might have a shot at being a cartoonist. We’re talking 25-odd years ago. Times change, tastes, change, and other people — actual actual cartoonists — have undoubtedly published the odd idea in the meantime off their own bat. Life happens.)

“It is not a dream, Mister Adams. It is also the third time this week.”

THERE’S A SPECIAL PLACE FOR THUMBNAIL THURSDAY

So, an explanation is required: that’s Lucifer in the middle, flanked by Hitler and Brutus. It’s Hell, and it’s the interview question from, quite literally, Hell. Because wocka wocka satire or something, and none of that is apparent from a thumbnail that is pretty damn crappy even by the low quality bar of my thumbnails to begin with.

“Tell me where you see yourself in five years.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY COMPUTES FOR HILARITY

Another example of combining two obvious elements to try and create a third, a tactic I clearly resorted to regularly when I was trying to establish whether I could do this cartooning thing on an ongoing basis (Hint: I couldn’t).

Psychiatrist’s couch. Robot. Good job I didn;t go for anything really cliched, right?

“I just do whatever the voices in my head tell me to.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY FILLS UP AT NIGHT

Sometimes you come across something that must have seemed like a good idea inside your head when you had it. Possibly you were dehydrated.

I mean, the vampire’s filling up a car. With… blood? The car looks like a normal car. Is it a vampire, too? Does he not know how cars operate? Is there a lot of blood in those bowsers? How does this even all work?

Drink more, exercise daily, and stay in school, kids. Don’t have ideas like this, m’kay?

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY STEALS FROM THE CLASSICS

Charlie Chaplin was once asked how he could make someone slipping on a banana skin — already a worn-out cliche, even in those early cinematic days — funny. You couldn’t Chaplin opined: the way to do it was to set the slip up, then have your victim step over the skin and fall into an open manhole.

So yeah, this is that, except in Heaven. Ta-daaaaaaaaaaa! (Eh: they can’t all be winners).

“Ha!”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY PLAYS ARK BEFORE THERE WAS ARK.

The taming-dinosaurs-for-fun-and-profit game Ark, that is, not the lunatic-belief-held-by-people-who-shouldn’t-be-trusted-with-children Ark.

So, from last week’s ultimate in science, to this week’s ultimate in religious tosh. If you’re going to believe this sort of nonsense, then you have to believe all this sort of nonsense. And as it’s all a bunch of badly written fictional nonsense anyway, it makes it easy to play with.

“How long have those two megalodon been shadowing us?”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY TAKES ITS PROTEIN PILLS AND PUTS ITS HELMET ON

Honestly, given some of the glorious shit we see astronauts get up to in this age of 100% camera immersion, this comes across as unbelievably tame. But I have not a single doubt rattling around my empty skull that some ground control crew somewhere has given in to this temptation when faced with some prima donna space jockey screaming down the comm link at them because the chicken soup nozzle is clogged.

“And would you please stop calling me ‘Major Tom’?”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY GOES ALL WRY NEW YORKER ‘SMILE HUMOUR’

Given my feelings about organised religion, I have to be honest with you: this is a softball so soft I must have been bathing myself every night in New Yorker ‘wry’ cartoons. I genuinely can’t remember anything about this one, but given how long I must have spent drawing all those little details, it must have been a rip-roaring day at the old day job when I scribbled it out.

“Do you ever wonder what you’ll do if you die and go to the great hunting hall of the Vengeful Mraargh and find out we were wrong about all this?”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY IS DRINKING A PINA COLADA AT TRADER VIC’S

I grew up in a bogan colony. I attended a school whose main function was to prepare bogan spawn for a career breaking their bodies in the bogan factories along what is delightfully known as the Kwinana Strip (so-called because it exists to strip otherwise healthy humans of their ambition, physicality, and thinking powers). I went on a bunch of bus rides during my formative years, and not one of them didn’t involve a moon somewhere along the way.

And we all know that where there are moons, there are werewolves…

“No! No! Noooooarrroooooooowwwww…..”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY HAS SOME SEXUAL POLITICS TO SORT OUT

Yeah, look. I wasn’t always the upright, leftie, Captain of Woke you see before you now. And while I’ve come a long way in regards to my understanding of sexual politics, clearly there was a time when the joke was more important than the message.

Anyway: unicorns, virgins, oh the hilarity.

I can’t defend it. It is what I was. 25-ish years is a long time to improve yourself.

“Virgins are over-rated. I like a girl who knows what she’s doing, know what I mean?”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY FORESHADOWS ITS OWN FUTURE

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo in my best Twilight Zone voice……

I graduated my BA in English in 1991, completely unready to give up on my childhood and enter the workforce. So I did what any non-self-respecting Arts graduate with no prospects does: I added a Graduate Diploma in Teaching, to give me an extra year away from reality. I graduated that with one firm resolve in life: I would never be a teacher.

Give me some props: I lasted twenty-five years.

“I see that you wish to apply for the position of English Teacher, Mr Smith. I see also that you have mis-spelled ‘Teacher’…”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY OBJECTS TO ITS OWN INEVITABILITY

One of the things that kicked off this 2021 determination to get back to Thumbnail Thursday, amongst all my other determinations, was finding a notebook with a bunch of thumbnails I’d forgotten I’d drawn. They’re quite recent, too: sometime in the last four or five years. I’ve no idea what I was thinking, but let’s just say that some of them are much darker than most of my previous work.

Like this one. I can’t recall a single thing about it, but clearly I was having a great day……