THUMBNAIL THURSDAY PREFERS VODKA TO KOOL-AID

The idea of undergoing an interview process to get into a suicide cult is, to me at least, inherently funny. I mean, you’re an apocalyptic sect that firmly believes that whatever awaits you on the other side of death if preferable to this lifetime of gummint taxes takin’ away your freedoms and guns or whatever. Surely you’ll take any body that’s warm enough and doesn’t think too hard…

So Luscious faces her past as a member of a pack of bigoted religious scumbag zealots an apocalyptic religion by creating a Youtube channel and engaging in activism to help people see the truth behind the curtains, and I, who have never been a part of one, draw bad cartoons.

The important thing is we’re both helping

“You’re a suicide cult. I don’t see myself anywhere in five years.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY REVISITS THE CLASSICS… AND STUFFS THEM UP

Devil at the crossroads, musical competition, pick the saddest or most inappropriate musical instrument possible… okay, so occasionally it’s not rocket science, and occasionally your not-rocket kind of implodes and crumples to the launch pad.

It’s an obvious trope, an obvious joke, and honestly, a trombone would have been funnier.

I kind of like the skeleton in the garret, though.

“Well, a fiddle is traditional, but I guess I’m willing to give it a go…”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY IS THE BOB HOPE OF BAD CARTOONS

Yeah, so when I was trying to work out whether or not I wanted to try for a career in cartooning, (Morgan Freeman voiceover: Naaaahhhhh.) I read that it was important to be able to work up a portfolio of subject-specific cartoons, to show that you can attract work across a wide spectrum of magazines. Sports. Sports is always a good one.

This is a sports cartoon. And that is all I have to say about that.

“It can happen to anyone.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY ISN’T AFRAID TO BUGGER UP ANYBODY’S SUNDAY MORNING

I don’t know what God’s reaction would be if a couple of religious loons knocked him up first thing on a Sunday morning wanting to talk about how the adult son he can’t get out of the bloody house and into a real job is some sort of superman figure with the power to forgive humanity all of the evils it should have known better than to pull in the first place… but I’m guessing ‘smite’ figures large in the calculations.

“I’m guessing you won’t need a copy of The Watchtower, then.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY GOES CRETACEOUS ON YOUR ASS

Tyrannosaurus Rexs are funny. Okay, maybe not if you’re a ceratopsian, or if you’re stuck in a jeep with Jeff Goldblum’s sweaty chest, but for illustration purposes, anything with a giant, oversized head and teensy, tiny little arms is downright hilarious.

Look at how many Donald Trump cartoons there have been over the last five years.

So, yeah. Teensy tiny arms + activity that requires using teensy tiny arms = 70% of every tee shirt on Redbubble and comedy gold.

Here is some comedy gold. Unwrap it and enjoy the chocolate.

“Aww, but Mummmm…”
“I said no. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY WANTS ITS MADAGASCAR MONEY, DAMN IT!

All I’m saying is, Madagascar came out in 2005. I must have sketched this out no later than 1999, because I’d pretty much abandoned all hope of cartooning in favour of concentrating on writing by then (and look how well that didn’t turn out…).

I’m owed at least a fiver, and my law firm — Madeup, Daydream, and Delusion — agrees.

Also, note: some words just automatically make things funnier. ‘Fling’ is one of those words. Try it. You’ll see.

“Of course I’m aware of the Jungian notion that physical rebellion is an extension of psychological unhappiness, but mostly I just like to fling poo.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY PUTS THE HORSE IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK

All fictions are created equal, but some are more equal than others.

The Bible is far more equal to far too many people. Animal Farm is not equal enough. Let’s put them together, and let one point out the absurdity of the other, shall we?

Let’s be honest, if the only reason Man sits above the animals is because God said so, and God just destroyed the entire world under a deluge because Man fucked up so badly, and you’re now one of only two of your entire race shoved into a cramped, smelly, leaking boat with every other carnivore on the planet, wouldn’t you begin asking a question or two?

“Father, one of the pigs just said ‘Four legs good, two legs bad’…”

THURSDAY THUMBNAIL PLAYS WITH LOTTE, LOTTE PLAYS WITH JANE

Transposing childhood games onto adult pursuits is part of the starter-for-ten pack when it comes to cartooning, comedy, fandom, the arts, and my Lego obsession. Shut up, you’re not my Mum.

So here I am, doing it again.

Also, proof that editing exists: witness the insertion of ‘court marshall’ to make the joke more explicit, and witness the fact that I’d have to edit it again in the final draft because some dickheads can’t tell the difference between ‘marshall’ and ‘martial’. Past Lee: what a dildo.

“What do you mean, court marshall(sic)? I got their flag. We won.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY REVISITS MY CHILDHOOD NIGHTMARES

Or, as I’m now stuck teaching for the foreseeable future, perhaps it’s my adult nightmares. Either way, it’s the classic “turning up to school naked” dream made, uh, flesh, and let’s be honest, somebody better probably did it before me. Probably Bill Watterson. Yeah. Bet it was Watterson.

(Which is is good a time as any to remind you all that Thumbnail Thursday is a segment in which I upload old cartoons I sketched back in the days when I thought I might have a shot at being a cartoonist. We’re talking 25-odd years ago. Times change, tastes, change, and other people — actual actual cartoonists — have undoubtedly published the odd idea in the meantime off their own bat. Life happens.)

“It is not a dream, Mister Adams. It is also the third time this week.”

THERE’S A SPECIAL PLACE FOR THUMBNAIL THURSDAY

So, an explanation is required: that’s Lucifer in the middle, flanked by Hitler and Brutus. It’s Hell, and it’s the interview question from, quite literally, Hell. Because wocka wocka satire or something, and none of that is apparent from a thumbnail that is pretty damn crappy even by the low quality bar of my thumbnails to begin with.

“Tell me where you see yourself in five years.”

THUMBNAIL THURSDAY COMPUTES FOR HILARITY

Another example of combining two obvious elements to try and create a third, a tactic I clearly resorted to regularly when I was trying to establish whether I could do this cartooning thing on an ongoing basis (Hint: I couldn’t).

Psychiatrist’s couch. Robot. Good job I didn;t go for anything really cliched, right?

“I just do whatever the voices in my head tell me to.”